


Tony stan gets 'Caged'

by Aragorn_II_Elessar



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anti-Sokovia Accords, Anti-Tony stans, Author has unleashed his inner Nicolas frickin' Cage, Author is not bitter and salty, But not anti-Tony Stark, Civil War Team Captain America, Gen, Tony stans are full of bullshit, Tony stans can suck it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 13:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20528618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/pseuds/Aragorn_II_Elessar
Summary: The author has snapped from all the harassment by Tony stans so he lets his inner secret power out with Wade's help.





	Tony stan gets 'Caged'

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bl4ckHunter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bl4ckHunter/gifts), [Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stand_with_Ward_and_Queen/gifts), [Phillipe363](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phillipe363/gifts).

> Disclaimer: I do not own Deadpool or anything else you may recognize
> 
> Well people, I'd like to tell you that when it came to WestAllen fanatics, I had no patience to begin with. And the Lauriver fanatics managed to get on my 'go to hell and just die' side very easily. And now the Tony Stark fanatics have finally done it as well on my MCU watch-it fic called 'A Beautiful Journey.'
> 
> Look, I love Iron Man, but he also makes messes. And so does Captain America. One example off the top of my head is Romania. There are a few more which I will get to in Civil War.
> 
> And I made it pretty clear that I'm a Team Cap guy who can see Team Iron Man's points but I will never ever support the Sokovia Accords. I made that clear in Chapter 5 and crystal clear in Chapter 7.
> 
> So if you're still gonna read that part and come after me after that, then it is not my fault. And yes, in Chapter 14 I was overly harsh on Tony so I deserved criticism for it but I gave an apology in the very next chapter and overcompensated for it. And still, you people are after me with your Tony stan headcannons.
> 
> And you're also linking horrible stan fics to me in PM, a few of which I had the displeasure of reading a few miniscule bits of long ago just because I got curious enough to see Team Iron Man's viewpoints. But suffice it to say, at least the Team Cap people can bring up their points with little to no bashing. The stans get bashed, but not Tony himself.
> 
> While the Team Iron Man people have to warp the narrative, dialogues and characters (Tony included) for their benefit. Even Tony Stark himself would be disgusted by all of these abominations that these fanatics have sprung up in his name.
> 
> And the funny thing is that AO3 is notorious for having Tony fanatics but all of them have come after me on FF, which is funny.
> 
> So, all the Mr. and Miss 'author is bitter and salty' and the Tony fanatics who cannot stay in their lane, I'm going to give you all the same treatment I gave to the WestAllen and Lauriver fanatics who didn't know when to stop.
> 
> The difference is that this time, it's not many fanatics but a few who pissed me off too much and I'm combining all of them into one person and also giving them a name that is a mix of all those fanatics.
> 
> Let's begin.

In their lair, the ultimate Tony stan, who was the ruler of all Tony stans, were sitting on their throne and smiling happily. Their name was Anafizmetan79R. They constantly wrote fics to demonize anyone who had unintentionally hurt Tony in the MCU and also harassed people who did not share their viewpoint. Not just those who were totally Team Cap but also those who were Team Cap or Team Iron Man but tried their best to be neutral.

One bad word against Tony and one good word for Team Cap resulted in the death penalty. Little did they know that had pissed off one person enough to the point that he had snapped and decided to unleash his inner secret power. But not just yet. The fanatics needed to know why they were at the mercy of the ultimate power this one man had unleashed upon them. And for that, the man who had been hired for the job kicked the door open- Wade Wilson aka Deadpool.

"Deadpool?" Anafizmetan asked in horror as he threw the head of another Tony stan called 'Boring' at their feet, having brutally decapitated them for making the man behind this snap.

"Hello, Tony stan." Wade said and saw Anafizmetan was about to dial a number but he said, "Don't bother. I killed all of your security."

"But why?" Anafizmetan asked, "What have we done?"

Wade laughed hysterically and said, "Funny you should ask that. Considering all the bullshit you've been doing in the name of your idol- Tony Stark."

"Tony Stark is the ultimate savior who can do no wrong." Anafizmetan said, "He mended his ways long ago. Steve Rogers is an egotistical jerk who thinks he is better than everyone and tries to disguise his feeling of superiority to the others as 'helpful advice.' He was also insensitive, asking Tony if this was the first time he had lost a soldier after Coulson's death. He almost killed Tony Stark and even joining the army was just about ego."

Wade couldn't stop himself from laughing at this pile of bullshit he had just heard, "When does he think he is better than everyone? If you're talking about the Helicarrier, everyone was being influenced by the Mind Stone, which you morons conveniently ignore. Or when he says "Language!?" Well, that is just a joke. And let's not forget, Tony called him 'Capsicle' when he first met him with no provocation. Now I'm not hating on Tony, just pointing out the truth. And Steve was insensitive? What is this bullshit? Tony called Coulson an idiot in that scene, but Steve was insensitive? Now yes, Tony didn't know properly how to handle loss, but Steve wasn't insensitive either. And the only one trying to kill in the bunker was Tony. Steve and Bucky only tried to disable his suit. At the end, Steve was trying to break the helmet and disable the reactor to stop Tony from killing Bucky. And no metal was pushed into any chest, because if that happened, blood would pour out of Tony's eyes and nose at the very moment and he would be dead. And you also ignored that he was fine at the end of the movie with injuries from the Airport Fight, so nothing serious happened to him. And if he was egotistical, why would he tell a bully to stop disrespecting the army or jump on a grenade to save the others? It is clear everyone else was bothered by the bully, and only Steve had the courage to stand up. J.R.R. Tolkien's works and their adaptations make it clear that even the smallest person can change the course of the future."

"Sam has his head too far inside Steve's ass!" Anafizmetan said, "I wonder how he can even breathe. He disagreed with the Accords just because Steve did."

"Really?" Wade asked, "Because Steve had an issue with the Deployment provisions and Sam took issue with the Registration aspect of the agreement. And he also accurately predicted the 'lojacking' of Enhanced that occurred in Agent of SHIELD."

"Wanda Maximoff is a villain who wants to destroy Stark and the Avengers! Why can't any Team Cap people see that?" Anafizmetan asked, sweating heavily, "She volunteered to be experimented on by Hydra."

"Conveniently ignoring the cannon comic book in which it was made clear that Hydra was posing as SHIELD." Wade reminded the fanatic ruler, "And the Scepter warped the Avengers for 10 minutes in the first movie. How much would it warp Wanda and Pietro after 1 year? Huh?! Huh?! And if she was a villain, she had so many perfect opportunities to kill the Avengers. But she treats them like her family, which they are for her, and fights for good alongside of them. But let's ignore all of that to make all the Team Cap people villains."

Before Anafizmetan could say some other ridiculous bullshit to justify their warped narrative, Wade said, "I originally went to Tony Stark himself to come nuke you lot. I even told him what you people have concocted in his name, and he was beyond disgusted. He said you morons aren't worth his time at all because he is too good to be worshipped by fanatics like you. And the author has snapped. He has unleashed his inner power. So who better to end you than him?"

And then suddenly some kind of Techno Remix tune started playing in the background. It was clear the tune had been made by some YouTuber. And in walked Nicolas Cage, being well- Nicolas Cage!

"This is the author himself who has unleashed his inner Nicolas Cage." Wade said with a smirk.

And then as the tune continued playing, Cage grabbed Anafizmetan by the throat and pinned them to their throne with a grunt, "SCRAPING AT THE DOOAH!"

As the tune continued playing, he roared, "SCRAPING AT THE DOOAH! SCRAPING AT THE DOOAH!" *Grunt* "SCRAPING AT THE DOOAH!"

As Anafizmetan79R stood numb in fear, Cage repeated "SCRAPING AT THE DOOAH!" about 5 more times before roaring, "SCRAPING AT THE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH!"

The tune changed a bit and he roared at the terrified Anafizmetan79R, "I WILL EAT YOUR STIKINING SOUUUUUUL!"

As the "SCRAPING AT THE DOOOOOAH!" continued a few more times to the tune, Cage laughed a hysterical Nicolas Cage laugh and said, "I'm gonna let him out."

And then he continued with "SCRAPING AT THE DOOOOOOAH!" But unleashing the inner Nicolas Cage means you have to act perfectly like Nicolas Cage. And so he yelled, "GODDAMNIT!"

And then the tune changed a bit more as a huge swarm of bees flew in and started stinging Anafizmetan79R brutally while Nicola Cage continued being Nicolas Cage, "AAAAAAAAGH! NO! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAAAAGH! AAAAAAAAGH! MY EYES! MY EYES!"

This was hysterical because the bees were stinging Anafizmetan79R everywhere, not him. And then the bees flew out as Cage once again pinned Anafizmetan79R to their throne and continued the "SCRAPING AT THE DOOOOAH!" and the "GODDAMNIT!"

And finally, as the tune ended, Cage again yelled, "I WILL EAT YOUR STINKING SOUUUUUUL!"

And then he transformed his face into the Ghost Rider and said, "Look into my eyes."

Anafizmetan79R screamed in horror and misery as all the pain they had caused to Steve, Natasha, Wanda, T'Challa and Sam for not being Team Iron Man or abandoning and 'betraying' Team Iron Man hit them in a second, making them relive all the pain themselves.

And soon Anafizmetan79R was numb and couldn't move a muscle, having become catatonic.

"Very good, Nicolas!" Wade clapped but the author was still in his Nicolas Cage form.

"HOW HARD IS TO UNDERSTAND I AM ANTI-SOKOVIA ACCORDS HUH!? NOT ANTI-TONY STARK!?" Nicolas yelled hysterically as Wade backed off and Nicolas said, "A-N-T-I-S-O-K-O-V-I-A-A-C-C-O-R-D-S! I MEAN, CAN'T THEY EVEN READ ALPHABETS?!"

And Nicolas then moved his hands around hysterically and started saying, "You know, A-B-C-D-E-F-G-"

"Nicola-"

"H-I—" Cage clapped his hands hysterically, "J-K-L-M-N-O-P-"

"Cag-"

Waving his hands around hysterically, Cage roared, "Q-R-S-T-U-V-WXYZ! HUH!"

Folding his arms, Cage said, "I NEVER MISREAD ANY ALPHABET!"

"Good, so you know your alphabets." Wade said before throwing a flashbang grenade to the ground and disappearing.

Nicolas ran around yelling, "I'M A VAMPIRE! I'M A VAMPIRE!"

Cleary, once you let the Nicolas Cage out, it is a disaster for everyone around you.

**Author's Note:**

> And done. Once again, it is not Tony himself I hate but his fanatics as well as the writers for writing him so badly in Civil War and Homecoming.
> 
> If you believe I hate Tony, re-read the entire Iron Man 1 portion of my fic, or The Avengers, or Iron Man 3, or even Iron Man 2, counting out Chapter 14, where I went overboard. Or my one-shot "Two sides of the same coin" which gives Tony all the respect he deserves.
> 
> And once again, I'm warning you, do not make me snap so badly that I let my inner Nicolas Cage out.
> 
> As for what made this fic the way it was, go to YouTube and search 'Scraping at the Door remix' and then click on 'Scraping At The Club Door' by 'TheBisness.'
> 
> Hope everyone enjoyed seeing my wrath in full display.


End file.
